Last night was horrible. Absolutely horrible.
After a full week (since I last wrote on here I think) I hadn't pulled once and my lashes were really sensing it! I even put on mascara to tell the difference properly and I assure you, you could tell. Long story short, I got all excited and then started pulling the mascara off...and them some lashes. It was only 5/6 (I always count) and it was only my right eye, so my left is fine (even though I hate them not being balanced) but it annoys me that I gave in. But that isn't the worst bit.
Last night I had my first nightmare about trich. I needed to tell someone about it so I'll try and context this. I'm british, for those who didn't know, but have grown up in Spain. In my nightmare, my bestfriend from my childhood was coming to visit me (as she is planning to do this summer in real life) and I hadn't planned for her arriving. Wanting to look in the best shape for this person I hadn't seen in years, I went to put on my eyeliner to cover up my trich and I couldn't find it. It's stupid and trivial, I know, but in the dream I was scared, I was bloody scared. The dream ended with me finding a broken and blunt eyeliner pencil and using that on my eyes even though it was so damaged it hurt me; all I wanted to do was cover up my lack of lashes. I could see myself looking in the mirror at the bald patch of eyelid that I had created before falling asleep that night in real life. I was suffering.
I know it was only a dream but I was really scared. Something trivial, like not being able to find my eyeliner in the morning would imply me either a) Not going to college at all that day. Or b) waiting for the shops to open to buy the first eyeliner I saw, applying it and then scurrying to class.
I couldn't go to class without eyeliner. I'd love to, it's my dream, but I can't. Being pale and freckly and having no lashes makes me look like some kind of albino-mishap-freakshow. (Actually, I'm sure its not that bad but I hate it).
I have been wearing eyeliner since the age of 14 to cover up my trich. And since then I haven't been able to stop. But I will, I swear to God I will.
G xxxx
PS: No lashes were harmed during the writing of this post.
PS: No lashes were harmed during the writing of this post.
Well first, good job on not pulling while you wrote your post. Sometimes being at the computer is a tough spot...
ReplyDeleteSecond, the eyeliner thing is definitely not stupid/trivial. My friends laughed at me for having to "do my eyemakeup" every morning while camping, but they don't understand what it means for us to not have that eyeliner; to feel absolutely naked without it.
Keep going girl, being proactive is the first step to stopping! Hopefully no more nightmares.
-Anna :)
Hey girl! I have nightmares ALL THE TIME... especially about pulling out all my eyelashes and eyebrows. I wake up sobbing! You're not alone, and trust me, nothing is trivial when it comes to this.
ReplyDeleteBut --- also wanted to let you know, I'm blogging about trich tomorrow on Aunie Sauce (www.auniesauce.com). It's about the pull-free bracelet... I'm 7-days pull free and I think you should come read! Are you doing the bracelet at all?
PS> no pulling that mascara!