Social pulling.

I can't believe it. I cannot believe it.
I have let stress get to me again. I'm currently in the library, as I have been for the last 5 godforsaken hours of my life finishing an incredibly annoying project on Yugoslavia and, without realizing it, after 5 hours in front of a screen I have pulled. Again, not much, but 5/6 lashes a day isn't a habit I want to keep.
And to top that, all my eye makeup has gone through the pulling. I just keep praying nobody I know sees me.

But I don't plan on giving up. They'll be bad days and good days, and it's gonna get better. I know it is.
G xxx

The beloved library that I am currently imprisoned in. Just to make the post a little cheerier.

Day 35: Nightmares -

Last night was horrible. Absolutely horrible.

After a full week (since I last wrote on here I think) I hadn't pulled once and my lashes were really sensing it! I even put on mascara to tell the difference properly and I assure you, you could tell. Long story short, I got all excited and then started pulling the mascara off...and them some lashes. It was only 5/6 (I always count) and it was only my right eye, so my left is fine (even though I hate them not being balanced) but it annoys me that I gave in. But that isn't the worst bit.

Last night I had my first nightmare about trich. I needed to tell someone about it so I'll try and context this. I'm british, for those who didn't know, but have grown up in Spain. In my nightmare, my bestfriend from my childhood was coming to visit me (as she is planning to do this summer in real life) and I hadn't planned for her arriving. Wanting to look in the best shape for this person I hadn't seen in years, I went to put on my eyeliner to cover up my trich and I couldn't find it. It's stupid and trivial, I know, but in the dream I was scared, I was bloody scared. The dream ended with me finding a broken and blunt eyeliner pencil and using that on my eyes even though it was so damaged it hurt me; all I wanted to do was cover up my lack of lashes. I could see myself looking in the mirror at the bald patch of eyelid that I had created before falling asleep that night in real life. I was suffering.

I know it was only a dream but I was really scared. Something trivial, like not being able to find my eyeliner in the morning would imply me either a) Not going to college at all that day. Or b) waiting for the shops to open to buy the first eyeliner I saw, applying it and then scurrying to class. 

I couldn't go to class without eyeliner. I'd love to, it's my dream, but I can't. Being pale and freckly and having no lashes makes me look like some kind of albino-mishap-freakshow. (Actually, I'm sure its not that bad but I hate it).

I have been wearing eyeliner since the age of 14 to cover up my trich. And since then I haven't been able to stop. But I will, I swear to God I will.

G xxxx

PS: No lashes were harmed during the writing of this post.

Day 28

OH MY GOD. I cannot believe it has been 28 days since I started this blog!
Anyway, wanted to start off apologising for not publishing much lately...I had been studying intensely for my written driving test, which....*cue drum roll* I passed!

These past 2 weeks have been pretty good. I've only had two incidents (Sunday, the night before the driving test) and this midday..But I'm still the proud owner of a few pretty brill lashes!
It's getting better and better really..I'm learning to find the beautiful things in life and to stop stressing about the petty things.. Life is what you make it and I plan to make it GOOD.
Pulling isn't going to make my problems solve themself faster, it just creates another problem.

My summer oficially starts on June 5th, which is...A MONTH AND A HALF AWAY! So, if I believe the magical world of the internet..for my lashes to fully recover I need 4-6 weeks, so just enough time!
And if I can do it, anyone can :)

Good luck and lots of love readers!
G xxxx

Day 14

After almost a week and a half of not-pulling and some brilliant looking eyelashes appearing... I messed up!
Last night I was so tired and preocupied that I pulled out..probably 10-15 lashes! :( My eyes are almost bald again, so much for all that effort I put in..

Today is a new day though so today I'll try with all my strength to not give in to the urge!
G xx