Day 7

A week since my journey started...And I'm on my 4th day pull-free, can't believe it!
This afternoon, while my best friend told me one of her closest relatives was going through chemo for breast cancer over the phone, I could feel my hand feeling my lashes.. But I was able to control it. In a stressful and worrying situation in which I'd usually have pulled, specially while being on the phone.. And I was able to stop myself!
Super pleased about myself and I honestly believe you can tell by my smile!
Tomorrow I'll hopefully upload a progress pic, though I have to say I myself don't know what progress I've made because I try to stay away from mirrors! Haha :)

"God knows we're worth it...I won't give up."

Never give up.

G xxxx

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Day 5

These few days have been rough. Sunday (day..3?) was, literally, very shit bad, terrible. I got stressed over a paper I had almost forgot I had to give in and..pulled until my eyes were red. But that was it, just one bad episode. Yesterday and today (day 5 already!) I haven't pulled once! Super super proud of myself, if I may say so. To help, I've written out a list of things that relax me and I imagine doing them: swimming, running, playing with my dogs, dancing with my mates..and it reaaally helps. I would recommend it to anyone.
Other things that have helped me stop these last few days:
- Speaking with another trich-blogger whose blog, strength and willpower have me mesmerised! ( http://lastlash.blogspot.com - you won't regret it!)
- A lovely little spot (or bug bite or similar) that has appeared on my lower eyelid - it hurts like hell but the pain has sure stopped me pulling!

I am determined to make it happen. I don't want to have to wear makeup to hide it for the rest of my life.
A couple of hours ago, my old flatmate called to tell me he was coming round to pick up some stuff he had left behind - I was in the shower at the time and the first thing I had to do after I got out was go put some goddamn eyeliner on so that he didn't come round and see my eyes how they really our. It sucks. Showering, swimming... I live in Spain for God's sake! That implies beach + pool  + water fights...In which I have to worry about my eyeliner.
But that won't be the case this summer, no way José! :)


Never give up.
G xx

Day 2

So far, writing about my experience with trich has been an amazing help.
I have also just joined an online trich support group for teenagers, which so far seems brilliant also: it gives me the chance to speak to other people in the same situation as me, and it's really helpful.

Today I made the effort to smile, to relax. Everything but pull. I didn't pull out of boredom throughout the 3hour law seminar I had to sit through this morning. I didn't pull out of stress when I lost the key for my bike chain. I laughed it off, I smiled. I believe smiling is really important; a good thing about smiling is that is takes attention away from your lashes/brows/head.

Smile. Let everyone know that today you're a lot stronger than you were yesterday.

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Here's my first progress pic. I'm wearing black eyeliner and a couple of coats of mascara, and, dare I say it, my eyes have seen worse days. But that doesn't matter - from now on it's only gonna get better.

G xx

Day 1

This is day 1 of a hard and long process. It's time to say goodbye, forever. But before that, I wanna tell you my story.

I started my "relationship" with trich at the age of 7, when I started pulling out my eyelashes. I didn't know why, I just liked it, it was almost pleasurable. From then on, my mother believed that my eyelashes had fallen out due to a cheap mascara I wore doing a dance show once, and took me to uncountable doctors and bought hundreds of different eye creams, hoping that her little girl would get her eyelashes back. Even I believed that was the reason; I didn't know any different, I didn't realize what I was doing.
Now I wish that just one of those doctors had been capable of seeing that my eyelashes hadn't fallen out but been pulled out. Maybe that would have stopped me.

At 17, after a decade of pulling with nails and tweezers until my eyes were red, and after a couple of years spending all I could on make-up to cover up my eyelash-less eyes, I decided to google my problem.
That day I broke down in tears. I discovered thousands of other people with the same problem as me. That it wasn't that I was crazy, it was an actual problem. I felt so relieved.
After my discovery, I found the courage to tell my boyfriend at the time, who was amazing with it. After that I was able to tell my best friend, my mother (who cried a lot and blamed herself), my brother, two other close friends and my current boyfriend. The support I recieved was amazing.

Weeks after my discovery, with the help of my bf at the time, I was able to stop pulling from about October of that year 'till February, when we broke up. That showed me that I was capable of stopping pulling, and that I shouldn't depend on anyone but me to recover, because if I don't, when that person leaves so do the lashes.

It has been more that a year and a half since I discovered I had trich. Since I stopped, started, stopped, started. Kilos of mascara to hide it, hours pulling, counting lashes, crying. It's been hard.
So many times I have said I'll stop. After Christmas. After I turn 18. When summer ends. When 2012 ends. But it hasn't worked. I've tried keeping notes, a diary. I now know when I pull, and why. That doesn't mean I can stop it.

One thing I have promised myself, though, is that when I have finally recovered from Trich, I will tell eveyone I know my story. I want to be there for other people that have suffered, I want to be an inspiration.

There's a chance no-one will read this. Maybe they will, I don't know. But as an aspiring journalist, writing is a way of relaxing. It calms me down. And if only one person reads this, then it will have served its purpose.
This blog will be my diary. From today on, I'm gonna do everything I can to stop, forever. I will use photos to show my progress. I will share my victories and my failures, my days without pulling and my (hopefully less frequent) outbreaks. If I can do this, anybody can.

No matter what, never stop smiling.
G xxxx